Behind the scenes

Two weeks ago I had two conversations with two different friends about the same subject. I had no doubt that this was more than a coincidence. Instead it was a need to for me to really listen to these two conversations and dwell on them.

Both conversations were around being a parent, the behind the scenes part of being a parent. The special part that no one gets to see.

The first was with a friend of mine where we happened to be at the same beach barbecue. She is a friend that I revere and feel that she is very wise so I listen carefully to what she has to say, trying to soak in her wisdom and advice. Her children are nearly all grown up, they are coming in to adult hood so I glean as much advice as I can from her as mine are slowly heading that way.

I began fretting with her as I was in the middle of making a professional decision about going on a course that I feel when complete will help offer me more flexibility so that I can work around my children more easily. I had tried going back to primary supply teaching but found it not what I thought for a few reasons but one being the difficulty of being flexible with my children.

This course will enable me to work flexibly as a psychotherapist, something that I have been interested in doing for a while but I was getting caught up in the ‘what ifs’ clouding my reasons for doing it.

My friend understood my need for flexibility. She said that even though her children are older she still needs to be flexible, dropping off her children all around Cornwall, being there for them, waking them up after late nights, making sure they get to where they needed to go and offering them guidance when needed. The behind the scenes. She spoke how this is what it is about. The behind the scenes. The hugs when they need them, the pep talks, the listening ear, the comfort so that if they mess up they can still come to her knowing they are loved and shame has no place.

She laughed and explained that sometimes her children give her a lot of stress, sometimes they are constantly giving off one bang after another. Bang, bang, bang but just one hug, one look, one hand on her shoulder and it is so worth it.

Here children are incredible. They are gifted musicians and a delight to be around.

Nurturing her children is so worth it. The behind the scenes that is just hers alone is so worth it because it is raising up her children.

The same conversation was had with another friend whilst we were sitting watching our children at jujitsu. How we both need flexibility to just be there for our children. If there is a slip up or one of our children is feeling rubbish mentally we need to be there. I know I wouldn’t be able to do it as well if I could not be flexible with my time. I need to be all in. The behind the scenes.

Sometimes those behind the scenes times can be hard, you are tired, busy, not doing well yourself but when we step up gold can come from it. The other day my eldest wasn’t feeling good. His head was in a bad way. We were walking back from an appointment and we sat and watched some people playing bowls. I love doing this, when I am older I want to play bowls. It looks fun and easy on the knees. They also have a cool sports kit and it looks intense.

I invited Seb into my enjoyable past time. I used to do it when the boys were little, using it as a halfway point from the library to home, a stop for snacks and drink and a quick watch of bowls if a match was on. Seb and I sat and watched for ages. We talked about how he was feeling but we mainly watched. Back home he gave me a hug. Behind the scenes. I thought nothing of watching bowls but a few days later we did the same walk but with one of his younger brothers as well and it was put into the program by Seb on the way home to sit and watch bowls. It wasn’t as intense as last time, a lady got quite competitive on the green, but it was good to sit and watch. Behind the scenes. Seb had clearly enjoyed it.

I don’t think we should ever take for granted the behind the scenes. I know I have done at times but I am trying not to at any time as these are gold and will shape our children. They are the nuggets no else gets to see and I like that.