Freaking out about needing to change…

Freaking out that I need to change - but actually I don’t have to do anything. Its still winter, rest is still needed

Happy New Year to you all. Over these past blessed few weeks when alarm clocks didn’t need to be on, walks and Monopoly were regularly on the agenda and spending quality time with friends and family happened daily I have spent some time pondering and wondering. Some of it has been linked to the counselling course that I am on but the rest has been through contemplation. What should I do this year?

Sometimes when I have thought these thoughts I have got excited, new adventures, new experiences and so on whereas other times it has scared me a bit questioning what can I do and how can I do it and change for the better. Then I came to the realisation and relief that I don’t have to do anything unless I want to and it feels right. I don’t have to do anything.

Thats the issue I have with New Years. I used to embrace it, the new years resolutions, the change, the newness but for me now it unravels me a bit thinking this way and I don’t like it. So I’m not going to do it.

A friend wrote something that I found profound and needed to hear the other day that we are still in the winter. I know it seems obvious but sometimes with all the new year stuff I sort of forget that we are still in the winter. Not as in the physical season as such, living in Cornwall it can be quite obvious with our stormy seas and frosty mornings but as in the season for us. Winter as a season to slow down, rest a bit more, eat hearty stews and soups. Snuggle round a fire. Have hot chocolate. Crisp walks wrapped up in layers. Wait for the spring.

So instead of me thinking that I need to change, new year new me, I am going to instead just stay in the winter, stay with the season, wait for the spring but enjoying the waiting.